Stardate: 70831:1144
Title: I Want It All
Author: Basil Khalid
Time: Current
Scene: USS Horizon, Basil's Quarters


Basil just entered his quarters tired. He had a hard day. "Bed... bed...," he said to himself, walking slowly to his bed and falling onto it.


=/\= 5 hours later =/\=

"Pssst... wake up! Pssst... wake up you piece of worthless meat!!!" 

Basil woke up suddenly. "What? Who?" He looked around the room alarmed... nobody there.

"Just get your lazy behind up," said the weird voice.

Basil got up and started to look around the room until he saw who was talking. On his table sat a device; it looked like a screen, but its form was that of a simple piece of paper, both in length and in size. Weirder still was the fact that on the small screen appeared a man, old, maybe 60 - 70 years old, with no hair on his head, only a small moustache. He looked like a bald Adolf Hitler, aged to 70.

"Who are you?" Basil asked.

"Who do you think I am? I'm damn Adolf Hitler with no hair on his head and aged 70. That's who I am!"

"How did you..."

"...know what you are thinking? Simple I had been there, in your place, 40 years ago."

Basil looked shocked. "That can't be."

"Hmm... that's a new line, I don't recall that. Well it can be, I am you."

"But you can't be me - you're hideous. At 70 I will be a gorgeous old sexy man."

"You wish! Now shut up, and let's get to more pressing matters," said the old Basil.

"Will I have children?"

"Yes you will. 3 wives and 8 children, in fact, Allah have mercy on your soul, for he did not have mercy on mine."

"How did..."

"...I get bald? That's the whole point of this conversation, so listen up. Three years from now I want you to keep away from any plasma conducts. I don't recall when or where, but I know it's three years from now. Heed my warning, I hate being bald!" The old Basil spoke desperately.

"You are right, you look horrible," replied the young Basil.

"Oh shut up with that sarcasm. Now... your second wife... Ania... DO NOT MARRY HER! She'll make your life a living hell." 

"What!? Wait a minute - the world is about to be torn apart by civil war and you come here and tell how to solve my own problems?"

"Well... yeah... if the future stinks, at least I can have a good life."

"That's cool, no sweat."

"And do not get drunk on the Captain's birthday next year."

"Why is that?"

"You're going to punch him and he's gonna put you in the brig for a month."

"That's good to know. Why did I punch him?"

"Trust me - you don't want to know."

"Anything else?"

"Yes, keep clear of chocolate - you'll get a belly that will make you look pregnant."

"Ouch! Am I that lame in the future?"

"Yes, you are, and what is worse, even though I have left the whole family on Earth, I have got here a gorgeous Ensign and a model of a Lieutenant that both want to marry me."

"How can that be worse?"

"After 3 wives? Trust me the 4th and 5th are always worse."

"Do I get promoted to Chief?"

"Well, I knew you were going to ask that, I c...a...n...t...t...e...ll....yo...u....t...ha...t ....y...o...u....wi...ll....."

Basil looked at the communication device as the image faded. The screen displayed 'transmission interrupted' before it disappeared. It took Basil a couple of minutes to ponder over what had just happened. Looking back to his bed he went there and fell on it again.

"What a weird dream..."


===============
Ensign Basil Khalid
Tactical Officer
USS Horizon
NCC-72400
===============