Stardate: 80313:2125
Title: I'll Huff and I'll Puff
Author: Lt. Marc Remmick
Time: Current
Scene: The Stone House


Every gust from outside rattled the little stone shack... but so far it was resisting the furious assault of the seven-foot wolverine pacing outside their so-called 'salvation'. The three fat animals shrieking in the corner could only be old Terran 'pigs', and some part of Remmick's racial history recognised this situation.

However, every fiber of his being resisted the part he was playing. As he irritatedly twitched the flowing scarlet robe from around his head and shoulders, he asked himself the same question.

"Wasn't Red Riding Hood a girl?"

Another fictional, but very worrying, gale exploded outside. Story or not, Lieutenant Marc Remmick was not about to use his Basic Training on an animal that could eat a Klingon for breakfast. So, play to his own unique skills...one quick rummage in his cute little basket found just what he was looking for - and just in time.

In a dramatic break from narration, the Big Bad Wolf was now using his Big Bad Shoulder on the sturdy but basic oak door in the tiny hut. So far it was resisting, and the grunts from outside seemed to be slowing... but could the engineer rely on chance? Not in a situation where there was a chance those talons and jaws could be so very real.

"You'll only hurt yourself doing that, Big Bad! Won't you come through the roof? I'll let you have these little dancing bacon sandwiches, if you'll let me go..." Remmick's voice was like honey, like syrup flowing through the knotholes of the door. The wolf howled in anticipation and scuttled up the low roof of the shack to the squat chimney.

Peering up from the large cooking pot below, Remmick caught a glimpse of a slavering bestial face for an instant before he tugged the cauldron away from the grate.

"I can't put out this roaring blaze, Big Bad... won't you give it one more big blow, and put it out?"

His tormentor barked, an insane laugh-like sound, and drew in that last, fateful breath. Perhaps he thought it was a game, or perhaps he honestly believed Remmick. Either way, evolution had not yet gifted this woodland hunter with the double-crossing ability of the primates that led to Marc Remmick.

Quick as a flash, the entire bottle of Grandma Sleepytime's Triple Strength Gin hit the fire like a photon torpedo. The geyser of fire that erupted could go only one way - straight on the powerful air currents, and right down the gullet of Big Bad - Ex-Wolf.

The world went white, then yellow, then a disturbing deep red. When Remmick opened his eyes, he found his companions had forgiven his near-betrayal of him, for providing them with such a sumptuous feast of wolverine steak.

"I thought pigs weren't meat-eaters..." By the time they could reply, the Chief Engineer of the USS Horizon was out of the door and accelerating up a nearby hill. It was indeed quite a sight to the other Horizon officers as they saw their comrade descend in a haze of leaves and branches, clad in a once-pristine Red Hood, splattered now with mud and wolf-elements, torn and singed, with two terrified staring eyes in the midst of a smoke blackened face.

"We need to get out of here!" He gasped at his colleagues.


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Lieutenant Marc Remmick
Chief Engineer
USS Horizon
NCC-72400
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